Sensei
by DramaticChipmunk
Summary: Patience isn't my strong side. But that time I was way too patient and the man I loved got snatched from me just in front of my own eyes. Oh, and the fact that I pushed him away didn't help either.
1. Louder

_Gotta move...__  
__Gotta move...__  
__Gotta move faster..._

* * *

Three words. Only three words echoed through my now empty mind. No, not those. Not the sweet ones. I would love if it would've been them. And another pair of lips would be speaking them to me. But world doesn't work that way. It's cruel.

'_It's too late.'_

* * *

_It's gonna' get...__  
__It's gonna' get...__  
__It's gonna' get louder._

* * *

'Oy, didja hear me?'

I looked at him. There he stood, victorious. Full of pride. And that sneer. I wanted to wipe it off his face with my fist. God, I imagined it so many times how I beat him into bloody pulp.

I nodded. And then I got angry at myself. Who am I? An idiot? I wanted to scream my voice out, to shout, to kick and punch. But only thing I did was standing there, dumbfounded.

* * *

_We're gonna' get...__  
__We're gonna' get...__  
__We're gonna' get stronger._

* * *

God, I was so stupid back then! I could just beat the crap out of that bastard! I am Grimmjow FUCKING Jaegerjaquez!

But I didn't do it. 'Cause of _him_.

'But it still looks like it doesn't get through that thick skull of yers. Da Berry is mine now.'

'I understood that, asshole.' I finally spoke. Where the heck was my voice up until now?

'No, I don't think ya did, Blue. What I mean isn't only tha' he's mine now tha' also means – I want you to stay away from Ichi.'

'What?' my eyes widened. Anger boiled inside my guts. Who gave him rights to order me around?

'Did I fucking stutter? Or are you deaf? Ya heard me. I don't want you to be near him.' Shirosaki started to get angry. Serves him right.

'Don't tell me what to do, Snowflake.' then my eyes widened again. Only this time with realization.

* * *

_We're gonna' feel...__  
__We're gonna' feel...__  
__We're gonna' feel better._

* * *

'Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Don't tell me you're feelin' danger, huh? You're afraid that if things between you and Ichigo won't go well, he'll run straight into my arms?' I said, half of my face occupied by my famous shit – eating grin.

Then grin, almost same sized as mine took place on Shirosaki's face. And then that bastard started to laugh like there's no tomorrow. My smile fell.

'Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!'

And as suddenly as he started to laugh, he got serious again. His white eyebrows knitted into a frown as he spoke to me, dead serious look in his eyes.

'Listen, Blueberry. I'm not doing this fer myself. I do this fer Ichigo. He's with me now. I know ya well enough to foresee that ya will make a move. Can ya move those stoned brain cells of yours? Ichi really loves me, I know that. Can ya imagine how will he feel if ya will lose your self control and blurt out your feelings?'

* * *

_They push us around,__  
__but we're tearing it down,__  
__and we're having the time of our life._

* * *

I felt my heart clench. I can. Ichigo isn't emotionally stable. I know him since we were toddlers. Shirosaki does too. It always has been the three of us – we did everything together, we were inseparable.

* * *

_**Faster...**_

* * *

And he doesn't even know that I am gay. But to make him choose between the two of us… we – me and Shirosaki – had a silent deal that first comes, first gets served. The fact, that Ichigo didn't denied Snowflake, was obvious sign to me that he had something for albino.

Again, I just nod like the last moron in the Universe.

* * *

_**Louder.**_

* * *

'So, I made myself clear. Leave.'

'Wait, Shirosaki, how am I supposed to do that? Quit school?' I started to raise my voice.

'That's up to ya. But I have an idea. I know it may seem cruel, but if you try to push him away-'

* * *

_**Stronger!**_

* * *

'Are you insane?' I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled his face closer to mine so he could see hell that my eyes promised to him if he tries to make another joke like that.

But I didn't expect his fist, which suddenly connected with my jaw.

'It's for his sake, damnit!' Now Shirosaki was the one who raised his voice.

I still didn't let him go. We were staring at each others' eyes. Those disgusting golden pools and tattooed eyeballs.

'_Do you want to break him again?_'

All sounds around me disappeared. Only thing I heard was loud thumping in my ears. Blood rushed in my head, I felt dizzy. Those words were enough to finish off my determination to fight. My grip loosened. Shirosaki stepped back.

'Leave, Blue. It's for the best.'

* * *

_**Better?..**_

* * *

And that's what I did. I pushed Ichigo away. At first, he was persistent. He kept asking me what's wrong, sending e – mails, messages, and texts. And me? I just ignored him. As if he didn't exist. And then, one day, he asked quietly:

'Is it because me and Shiro?'

That was the moment when my feelings exploded.

'YES! YES IT IS!'

It was the last time he spoke to me. After my answer he turned on his heel and dashed away. Sharp arrow of pain stabbed my heart.

'Do you want to break him again?'

'_Do you want to break him again?_'

'**Do you want to break him again?'**

'Do you want to break him again?'

'_**Do you want to break him again?**_**'**

'_Do you want to break him again?_'

I wanted to chase after him, to plead to be friends again, but Shirosaki's words kept ringing in my head like some mantra. Really annoying and fucked up mantra.

So, that's how my senior year in high school ended. After graduation I entered M – University, studied there and forgot about Ichigo completely.

_LIES._

Every fucking night I keep dreaming about him. I think about him every second. There's not even a single moment that I don't see those brown eyes filled with shock and sadness. Like they were the last time I looked at them.

* * *

**You can't tame this energy inside.**

* * *

**A/N: God, I finally wrote my first ch of my first fanfic! I'm so excited! :D I finally gathered some courage. Since English is not my first language, I am not very brave and self - confident about this. While writing/editing this I listened to DJ Fresh - Louder (Club Mix.) (figures xD), I guess that's how I'll name chapters - after a song, cuz I have no ideas when I need to come up with tittle, or summary, for that matter. But why fanfic is called 'Sensei'? You'll get it in later chaps. ...if I won't drop writing this, cuz I'm queen of laziness and the Muses don't like to visit me very often. Well, I hope you enjoyed!_~DramaticChipmunk_**


	2. Push

_One push is all you need._

* * *

I'm back. After all these years I'm home again.

After I graduated, my parents divorced. I lived with my mom in Tokyo while the bastard that I called father stayed here, in Karakura. I despised him. He broke mom's heart and left her for some cheap skank.

And still, my home was here, not in Tokyo. I inhaled; fresh air filled my lungs together with hopes. Hopes to see Ichigo. I wanted to apologize to him. To talk with him. To see his eyes, his smile, hell, even that scowl!

Sure, there's no guarantee that he still lives in this town. And there was no guarantee that he's still with Shirosaki. God, every time the thought crossed my mind, my heart skipped beat. Maybe, just maybe I _do_ have a chance?

* * *

'Grimmjow?' I was walking to hotel where I stayed direction when I heard someone calling me. I turned my head and saw Kisuke Urahara, my homeroom teacher.

'Kisuke – jii! How are you?'

Urahara sighed. 'Seriously, will you drop that? Even now, I'm not that old.'

I chuckled.

'So how long have you been in Karakura?' the man asked me.

'I arrived four days ago. I'm not planning to stay much longer, though.' I answered.

'What bought you here?' my former homeroom teacher asked again. 'Last time I saw you, I was young and handsome. Now I'm only handsome.'

I laughed. 'Didn't you just say that you're not old?' I liked him. He was my favorite teacher after all.

'I just wanted to visit my hometown, to see old friends.'

'By old friends, do you mean Kurosaki – san, by any chance?' I shivered. His serious tone always gave me creeps.

'Y-Yes, what about that?'

'Would you like to drink some tea? My house is nearby. There we could chit – chat for a bit.'

I nodded. Something's wrong. I was afraid to know what he wanted to tell me, but it involved Ichi, so it was important and I had to leave my fear behind.

* * *

It was small house but the moment I stepped in I felt warm, cozy atmosphere. We sat in the living – room. Urahara's wife, dark skinned exotic chick with purple hair and golden eyes (how in the freezing hell did this old man marry _that_?) served us tea.

'So what's so important, that you couldn't say it to me back there?' I asked, hesitating a bit.

'About Kurosaki – san… as I recall, you were really close friends, right?'

'Yeah', I responded and lowered my eyes to the floor. 'But we… umm… Started to argue in the last grade, so we ended our friendship.' My heart tightened. I was such a jerk.

'I see… And you didn't contact him ever since, right?'

'Yeah.'

'You know, he lives in Tokyo, too.'

'Wha-'

'After he graduated he went to university in Tokyo and he visited Karakura at least once in a month, until…' he trailed off.

'Until what, Kisuke – jii?' curiosity spiced with fear ate me from inside.

Urahara closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled slowly.

'Until his family died three years ago.'

My heart sank somewhere in my guts.

'Family..? Does it mean…'

'His both sisters and father.' Urahara's voice was so quiet, but still, it couldn't be unheard.

'How?'

'In a fire. There was short circuit in the electrical system; they all were sleeping and no one felt nothing until it was too late.' The teacher was looking through window, I saw his eyes water, even though, they were hidden by the shadow of his hat.

'Kisuke – jii?'

'Yes?'

'Do you know Ichigo's address?'

'Yes, I don't know if he still lives there, but I guess it's better than nothing.'

* * *

He stood in front of the house. Actually, in front of remains of it. Burnt constructions, ashes, carbons. Nothing alike the house where he had met the weirdest and probably the most loving father ever. Isshin Kurosaki. Where he had met youngest mother (not literally) he had ever seen. Yuzu Kurosaki. And the girl that he wished to be his younger sister. Karin Kurosaki. Geez, they were his family too. To know they were no longer apart teared him inside. It was painful even to think what Ichigo had gone through with this loss. 'Cause his family was epicenter of his world.

_No, it was his world itself…_

Grimmjow didn't want to think about anything anymore. He headed to the hotel to pack his things and order a ticket back to Tokyo.

* * *

**A/N: yaaaay! So here's the 2nd chapter! Thank you all for favs, reviews and alerts! I love you all:'3 *cries tears of joy* and, oh! The song I was listening is Diamond eyes by Shinedown.**


	3. Tattoo

_Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial_  
_For what it's worth it was worth all the while._

* * *

So here I stood. In front of apartment number 15. (Is this some kind of a joke?) I gathered all my courage and rang the bell. I heard steps at the other side of the door and took a deep breath. Heart skipped beat.

Door slowly opened and I saw…

…a midget.

I tried to not to show how that surprised me, but my throat betrayed me and released some hiccup – like sound.

Midget looked at me, amused.

'What could I help you with?' as my eyes focused the view, brain told me that it's not elf, nor a midget – short velvet eyed girl peeked from behind the door, not looking very surprised to see blue haired guy. (Hey, I get a lot of weird glances, so I have right to be full of wonder at her reaction.)

'I… umm…' I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty confused. 'I'm looking for Kurosaki Ichigo. Does he live here?'

The girl eyed me suspiciously. (What?)

'No, he's not here; he doesn't live in this apartment anymore. ' she said in colder voice than before. (Now what?)

'Do you know where I could find him, then?'

'Depends on, who's looking for him.'

Dafuq?

'Umm… I don't understand. What do you mean?' I looked at her, thinking, why would she hide Ichigo's whereabouts as if he was some sort of prison escaped psychopath, hiding from police.

.

.

.

.

.

_NO._

'Who are you and why are you looking for Ichigo?' the girl asked a bit angrily. (Seriously, what did I do?)

'I'm Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez; Ichigo is my childhood friend that I haven't seen in long time, so I want to visit him.'

Midget stared at me couple of seconds, then asked another weird thing:

'What's his favorite color, then?'

I answered within a blink of an eye:

'That's easy, purple, of course.'

Small smile tugged on her lips.

''kay, now another one. Where does Ichigo have tattoo? '

Ooookay. Now it's getting from weird to 'wtf is happening?'.

'Eh?.. ' I blinked at her. 'He hasn't any tattoos.'

'Wrong.' A wave of weird depressed disappointment washed over me. 'You pass.'

'Wut?' that's all I managed to say. Seriously, in some situations, god just loves to take away my gift of speaking. (Don't misinterpret me – I'm not religious or anything, but I have to have someone or something to blame for everything that happens.)

The girl giggled.

'Wait a sec, I'll bring his address to you.'

So I just stood there like moron, still not getting what in the frozen hell just happened.

'Here.' She held at me small piece of paper.

'Wha-'

Shorty jus cut me off.

'You'll get all the answers when you'll ask Ichigo. Now go on and visit him' she winked at me and slammed the door.

No, but seriously, dafuq did just happen?

No wonder the whole internet is screaming about how Japan is full of madmen. (Or, in this case, madwomen.)

* * *

Million thoughts forced themselves into his head while he was heading to direction of a street where, according to velvet dwarf, I could find Ichigo.

'_Why was Ichigo's address such a secret? ' (Well of course you wouldn't give friend's address to a random stranger, but why those weird ass questions?)_

'_Was he in danger?'_

'_Who's that chick?'_

'_What is she exactly to Ichigo?'_

'_Did Ichigo have a tattoo?'_

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

'_Where?'_

.

.

.

.

.

'_Hmmmm…'_

'_Who'll open the door this time?'_

'_Another midget?'_

'_Or maybe a giant?' _

_God, please, anyone, _anything _but Shirosaki._

* * *

So here I stood. AGAIN. I rang the bell. My heart stopped in its tracks when I heard squeaky 'I'll get dat!' DEFINITELY. not Ichigo's.

The lock slowly cracked and the door opened slowly. Please god. No more weird people.

.

.

.

.

.

He just loves fucking with me, my sanity and my life in general.

Another fucking midget. Well, okay, not a midget. Even worse. A kid. Short, sea green hair, gray eyes… And weird mark across her nose and cheeks. (No wonder the female pygmy wasn't surprised at my appearance. Why do these things always happen to me?!)

I wanted to spin on my heel and flee away but…

'Come in', she chirped.

…it was too late.

So instead of freaking out I came in. She locked the door and shouted into empty hall:

'Daddy, dere is a hot piece of ass at the door!'

TMI, godamnit, TMI.

Daddy? Oh, please, no…

Hot piece of ass? Well, ya know, I find myself really hot and attracti-

'Nel, you better not be scaring one of my students again!'

Oh god.

JesusBudhaRaZeusJehovahThor

It's him.

That smooth baritone I would recognize even if I was awakened after ten years of coma and had serious case of schizophrenia.

_It's him._

* * *

_**A/N: Holy cheesus. I'm sorry for being inactive. A; here, have a chapter 3!^w^**_


End file.
